Local Unemployed Ponzi Artist Crumbles Under Burden of Multiple Twitter Accounts
LEXINGTON—Eruelius Penn. Marrtin, a unemployed resident of Lexington, crumbled yesterday under the weight of his multiple twitter accounts. Marrtin announced that he downloaded and installed Anti-Social, a productivity software for his electronic devices that sets up a firewall blocking Twitter, Facebook, and other social media platforms. It was estimated that Marrtin spent 17 hours per day trying to create an organic dialogue between his multiple online identities.
“I kept having to log in to one account, tweet something profound, log out, log in to another account and tweet something profound, and then come up with something profound again,” said Marrtin. “By the time I release one profundity, I have a difficult time remembering which persona to access next before I log on to the next device.”
Eruelis Penn. Marrtin displays his Twitter free phones
Marrtin is somewhat of a Renaissance man who has many interests. His proverbial irons are in many proverbial fires, so to speak. A prodigal son, Marrtin has a personal twitter account, an account for his venture capital endeavor LouisaNomics, a “weekender” handle, a handle for his dealings in the online World of Warcraft community, and a fake handle to antagonize his other online identities.
“I liked to have multiple phones to keep all of this straight, but maintaining two smart phones became too much of a chore. I have a Blackberry, and I have an Android,” said Marrtin. “For some reason, the LouisaNomics tweets just felt better when they were done from the Blackberry.”
Marrtin's initial, futile attempts to cure his Twitter addiction via art therapy
Marrtin said he knew he had a problem when his wires got crossed.
“I started tweeting on the Warcraft account that the key to a top ten economy is top ten creative eyebrows,” said Marrtin. “I think I may have alienated myself, but this is all one huge mistake.”
Marrtin is not alone in the proliferation of social media confusion. According to a study by the Brookings Institute, 23.7 percent of Twitter users have more than one account that they operate on a regular basis. Often these schizophrenic tweeters create multiple realities for themselves because they are unsatisfied, or unable to find employment, in their current reality.
“I really feel bad for him,” said famous tweeter Kim Kardashian, who only has one Twitter account. “We need more central identities.”
Marrtin took to drawing his own iPhone, a coping mechanism suggested by his therapist.
Marrtin confessed that since he crumbled, he’s learned to manage his Twitter cravings by creating artistic works.
“When I first started, all I could do is draw things that reminded me of my Twitter feeds,” Marrtin said. “But since then, I’ve been jotting down Chinese proverbs, drawing birds (that don’t look like the Twitter logo), and exploring with landscapes.”
Mr. Stone:
How dare you make fun of EPM? He brought the world’s foremost Alec Baldwin lookalike to Louisville and Lexington for some business incubation-optimization-fabrication synergizing. What have you done lately to make Lexington a Top 10 Global Economy? All you and your hippie friends do is make fun of people. That’s no good. When you have the connectitude of an EPM, then you can throw stones, but right now, you’re just in a glass house, Jeremiah Stone.
Small businesses open every day because of people like EPM, John Boehner, and Hosni Mubarek. People like you and the Muslim Brotherhood hate innovation.
Marvin
Moonshot Opportunities, LLC
I’ve got 8 Twitter accounts running, and it’s driving my crazy. I do it because I want to keep Lexington ranked in the coveted Top 18 of Twitter-using cities. It’s tough, I’m wearing thin, but I do love my city.